Crushes, Colors, and Old School Memories.

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Crushes, Colors, and Childhood Memories

When I was around ten or eleven years old, I was legally blind but still had some sight. Everything looked large and close-up through my thick glasses, and the world felt full of light, color, and sound. That was also when I remember having my first crushes—on two boys named Richard Jackson and Timothy Jackson. They were older than me, but both kind and fun to be around.

I used to ride to school in a small, light blue van—the same hazy blue as the sky on a hot summer morning. I don’t remember the driver’s name, but I do remember sitting beside Richard almost every day. We talked about all kinds of things, sat together at lunch and recess, and shared little pieces of our school days. It felt like a real friendship.

One of the things I loved talking about was Pac-Man. That video game fascinated me—not just because of how it played, but because of how it sounded. The beeps and blips were music to me. Pac-Man himself was the color of a lemon: bright, cheerful, and fast. I didn’t care much about winning. I just liked how the game felt.

I met Timothy a little later, when I was twelve and he was thirteen. We rode the big yellow school bus together—the kind that’s the color of American cheese. Timothy was tall, dark brown, and had neatly cut black hair. He had a coolness about him, and his voice was warm and handsome. I really loved being with him. He was funny, too—and we even made up little songs together. He’d start one off, and I’d follow his lead. We had this beautiful rhythm between us, like two kids who just got each other.

When he graduated, I was heartbroken. I knew I was going to miss him deeply. What hurt the most was that I never got his contact information before he left. I was furious with myself about that. Even now, there’s a part of me that wishes I had one last chance to tell him how much he meant to me.

Looking back now, I treasure those memories. I didn’t fully understand love or relationships at that age, but I understood connection. I understood color, sound, and feelings—even as my vision faded, those things never left me.

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