Waking up In A Panic, And Finding Peace in What Happens Next.

This afternoon, I laid down for a quick nap around 1:45 P.M., expecting nothing more than a short rest. But what I woke up to was something completely different.

I came out of sleep with my heart pounding so fast I could barely breathe. I felt like I was choking, like something had taken over my whole body. My breathing was heavy and fast—I was trying to calm myself down, trying to get my heart to slow, but it wouldn’t. I had to lie there for several minutes, focusing just on staying still and breathing gently until everything finally settled.

Alongside that intense physical feeling, something else showed up—something familiar but still strange. I started seeing this internal visual: a beige background, filled with soft, floating orange-yellow shapes. It wasn’t from the outside world. It was inside, just like so many of the things I see. My body had gone into full panic mode, and somehow my mind responded with color. Beige and orange-yellow drifted across the inside of my awareness, like signals of stress or emotional overload. I’ve come to recognize these color states—they appear at moments when my senses, or my emotions, are out of sync.

I’ve talked before about how, even though I’m totally blind and have no eyes, I still see vivid internal colors and shapes. I live with a hearing loss, too—one that makes it hard for me to hear what’s real, and sometimes even harder to tell what isn’t. This moment today reminded me of how intense that disorientation can be. The line between the outside world and my internal one sometimes blurs, and when my body panics, my inner world reacts with light and color.

But what gives me comfort is what comes next.

Tomorrow, I get to be with people I love and trust. I’ll be at a pool party with my friends from Just People INC, right here in Roswell, Georgia. We’re gathering at 2101 Dowling Drive, and I’m so excited—not just for the fun, but because I’ll get to see my best friend there, along with her boyfriend. It’s something I’ve really been looking forward to.

After a day like today—a scary, confusing moment that shook me—it feels good to know that joy is waiting just around the corner.

Sometimes, our bodies throw us into chaos. But our hearts still know where the calm is. Mine is already reaching toward tomorrow.

 

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