Still seeing in the dark.

Sorry guys, this is not a regular post, This is just a testing post to see if this post will post to my Facebook Disability page. So, please just bare with me. 

Yesterday was one of those days I’ll hold close for a long time. I spent it with my friends from Just People at a pool party, and it was such a beautiful time. The air was warm, the music was fun, and laughter was everywhere. I could hear the splashing, the joy in people’s voices, and the sound of summer all around me. I didn’t need to see to feel the happiness in that space. I could hear it, feel it in the energy of the people I love being around. That’s one of my favorite things about the Just People community—we really show up for each other, not just with our presence, but with our full hearts. There was dancing, talking, joking, music... I could feel the sunshine on my skin and the water splashing nearby. One of my friends guided me near the pool to dip my feet in. I laughed as the cool water surprised me, and they laughed too. It was just pure, real, easy joy. And when the evening came, that joy stayed with me. I carried it back with me like a warm glow wrapped around my spiri...

Today was simple, but full of peace. I took some time to rest, reflect, and just breathe. Sometimes, the quiet moments are the ones that remind me how far I’ve come—and how much beauty there is in just being . I’m so grateful for everyone who follows my journey. Your support means everything. 💛 Looking forward to sharing more very soon!  

This afternoon, I laid down for a quick nap around 1:45 P.M., expecting nothing more than a short rest. But what I woke up to was something completely different. I came out of sleep with my heart pounding so fast I could barely breathe. I felt like I was choking, like something had taken over my whole body. My breathing was heavy and fast—I was trying to calm myself down, trying to get my heart to slow, but it wouldn’t. I had to lie there for several minutes, focusing just on staying still and breathing gently until everything finally settled. Alongside that intense physical feeling, something else showed up—something familiar but still strange. I started seeing this internal visual: a beige background, filled with soft, floating orange-yellow shapes. It wasn’t from the outside world. It was inside, just like so many of the things I see. My body had gone into full panic mode, and somehow my mind responded with color. Beige and orange-yellow drifted across the inside of my awareness, ...

For a long time, I kept a part of my experience to myself—because I didn’t think anyone would understand it. Not even my family. I’m totally blind. I also live with hearing loss. And sometimes, when everything is quiet—especially at night—I hear things that aren’t really there. It’s not all the time, and it’s not always scary, but it can be confusing. Like hearing a faraway voice echoing in a movie… only the movie isn’t playing. The house is silent. But I still hear it—soft voices, knocking, even someone calling my name. And it feels real in the moment. What’s strange is, I know my hearing is damaged. I can miss real voices in the daytime, miss people calling me when the door’s closed or when I have headphones on. And yet, at night, these phantom sounds come in so clearly—more clearly than real life sometimes. It’s like my brain is trying to make sense of the quiet, and instead, it fills it with things that aren’t there. For a long time, I kept this part of my life hidden because I...

Lately, I’ve been getting so frustrated. The court keeps sending me letters, pushing me to serve jury duty—even though I’ve already submitted a doctor’s letter saying that I am totally blind, hearing impaired, and on disability. My doctor even wrote that I’m unable to participate due to my medical condition. But apparently, that’s not enough. She didn’t go into every single detail. Why? Because she legally can’t—HIPAA protects my private medical information. And now the court is rejecting her letter because it doesn’t spell out every little thing, like I owe them some full-body explanation to be believed. Let me be clear: I am totally blind. I have no eyes. I also live with hearing loss. I rely on sound cues, memory, my hands, my other senses—every day. And it’s exhausting sometimes, even in familiar places. Now imagine being called into a courtroom, where everything depends on seeing: Who stood up to speak? What kind of gesture did they just make? Who are they pointing ...

This morning started off in the best possible way. The sun was already shining, the air was warm, and I could feel that early summer softness surrounding everything. I shared music and a movie with my stepdad over coffee—a quiet, comforting kind of joy that doesn’t need a lot of words. I hadn’t heard from my best friend overnight like I sometimes do, but just as I was getting ready to watch our movie, she texted me. I smiled and held on to that moment, even though I didn’t reply right away. After the movie ended, I wrote her back and apologized for the late text. Then I hopped into the shower, feeling that sense of wholeness only a good morning can bring. And all throughout—before, during, and after—it’s been glowing. That same deep, burning yellow has been all around me. So vivid it felt like it was filling the whole room, with floaters to match. Earlier this morning, between two and four, the color was a beige kind of softness, with the yellow starting to move in like early sunligh...